Sure, everyone says Portugal is absolutely sublime…
Husond / Via en.wikipedia.org Azenhas do Mar in Sintra.
2. And you hear that the Portuguese people have a lot of pride in their country.
3. But in reality, Portugal has absolutely no charm.
4. Not even a little!
5. Who would want to relax on such polluted beaches?
6. Hmm… the color of that water is awfully suspicious.
The island of Madeira.
7. Take the city of Porto, for example…
8. Like, what’s this big ugly thing running right through the middle of it?
The Maria Pia Bridge (by Gustave Eiffel).
9. What a boring city…
10. …with absolutely nothing to look at.
11. The capital, Lisbon, is just as bad.
12. Lisbon is a city stuck in the past.
13. Even the public transportation is antiquated!
14. Oh, OK, cool, Lisbon. So you think you’re San Francisco now?
The 25 de Abril Bridge in Lisbon.
15. Let’s not even get started on the countryside. There’s absolutely nothing poetic about the Portuguese countryside.
16. And Portugal has no history, everybody knows that.
Pena National Palace in Sintra.
17. So the monuments are particularly unattractive.
The Porto City Hall.
18. And it’s not like there are any famous landmarks to visit.
Belém Tower in Lisbon.
19. It’s not majestic…
Padrão dos Descobrimentos in Lisbon.
20. …no interesting architecture…
Sanctuary of Santa Luzia.
21. …and there’s no history.
22. Spain is just a boring old pile of rocks.
Jerónimos Monastery in Lisbon.
23. And the quality of the food isn’t much better.
25. Who even drinks port these days? That’s an old person drink.
26. Nobody remarkable ever came from Portugal.
27. Like, who’s ever heard of Luís Figo?
28. That’s because the Portuguese are very strict people. Very serious.
29. Nobody is very nice.
30. Nope. No matter how you look at it, Portugal’s just not a very beautiful country.
Ponta da Piedade.
31. Absolutely no reason to go there.
32. Stay home!
33. Good grief!
Praia do Vau (The Algarve).